As I spend the evening reflecting on today’s “Lord’s day,” my heart is full for many reasons. Won’t you grab a cuppa coffee (or tea, if that’s your thing) and let me share the goodness of my Lord with you?
The Big Move
Five months ago, our family made a pretty big (for us) step in faith by moving from North Carolina to South Carolina. It was very tough leaving behind friends who had become family over the (almost) ten years we lived in North Carolina. It was hard leaving a sweet church we had been entrusted by the Lord with the privilege to help plant. We had our fingers in a lot of kingdom work and it was fulfilling and we were comfortable.
But God has a beautiful way of moving us out of our comfort zones into the unknown boundaries of His will for us. His will is most often very uncomfortable and quite uncertain. Yet you will have this sense that you MUST navigate these uncharted waters in order to accomplish the greatest good for the kingdom of God. It’s the most unexplainable experience to be so very certain about a step that has so many questions left unanswered.
That’s where we found ourselves five months ago. We had such a presence of the Lord and there was such movement by Him in the area of open doors. It was clearly Him moving us in this direction. Of that fact, there was absolutely no doubt.
So, imagine my surprise when, once we made the move, things looked vastly different from what I had imagined.
I had this romanticized view of us moving to a new area and then PRESTO! – we’d be instantly in the throes of major ministry and thriving for the Lord in the midst of it.
This is not what happened. At. All.
Instead, after such a whirlwind of action in the circumstances surrounding the move, we got moved, joined a wonderful church and . . .
SAT ON THE PEW
From Serving to Sitting
It shames me to admit, I’ve been more than a little miffed at God. Every single time I talked to a friend we left behind and they asked about what we were doing, I was reminded that I wasn’t doing anything for the Lord. And that made me feel so very useless. And discarded. And wasted. And about 100 other emotions that I’ll spare you the boredom of reading about.
I constantly felt guilty because I wasn’t serving. I mean a faithful Christian is a serving Christian, right? I couldn’t understand why God made every step of the move so clear and then slammed the brakes on.
And I still don’t have an answer.
Perhaps, it was to show me that His ways are so much different (and higher) than my ways. He had some pretty cool new things in store for me that I probably wouldn’t have pursued if I were trapped in the “busyness” of “real ministry” work.
Perhaps, as a dear friend pointed out to me recently, it was for me to take some time to rest in Him – something I hadn’t really done in far too long.
Perhaps it was to teach me humility and submission both to Him and my church leadership.
Perhaps it was to reconnect our family with each other instead of everything else surrounding us and clamoring for our attention.
I could speculate on the “whys” much, much more and never truly know the answer because He is God and I am not. (aren’t you GLAD?!)
The Bottom Line
The bottom line is this:
Do I trust God or don’t I?
Is He Lord of my life or isn’t He?
You see, that’s the base of every single question that we have. All our questions have their origin in those two root questions.
For longer than I care to admit, my actions and temper tantrums with God proved that I didn’t really trust Him and I wasn’t really allowing Him to be Lord of my life. My actions demonstrated that I wanted control and I wanted things the way I had imagined them to be.
When “Why” is Left Unanswered
I wish I were writing you on the other side of the “why” so I could tell you the whole picture. But I’m not. I’m still right in the midst of my “why.” I’m growing in my faith and I’m learning to trust the Lord with my “why” a little more every day. I certainly haven’t “arrived” yet and I probably never will. But I’m willing to take this journey step by step and enjoy the transformation Christ is working within me.
So, yes, my heart is full. Even though my questions are unanswered. My heart is full because I have a faithful God that loves me enough to change my heart when it doesn’t line up with His will. And that’s enough for me. All I need is today’s grace. Tomorrow’s will come tomorrow and yesterday’s is already gone.
Praise the Lord for His never-ending lovingkindness!