I’m about to share something with the whole world that will shock you to your core. I have been crying a whole lot lately. Not shocked? You must not be my mother. I guarantee when she reads this, she’ll need to be picked up off the floor. Moms know you best and her favorite thing to say to me growing up was “you old hard-hearted thing.” I don’t cry unless someone dies, and rarely even then. Things just don’t move me to tears. I used to think that was a sign of strength. I’m starting to question that conclusion.
So what is making me cry so much lately? God. No, really, I’m serious. I always spend quite a bit of time in God’s Word. But over the last few months, He has revealed Himself to me through His Word in was that have completely overwhelmed me . . . to the point of tears. Often. I feel so weird. This is not me. Or is it? Maybe this is the me God truly wants me to be. Or maybe it’s not. I’m not sure. I certainly don’t have God all figured out, that’s for sure. Otherwise, I simply wouldn’t need Him.
I believe I’m in a process with God that is changing me on so many levels that I simply can’t handle it (in my own strength). But here’s the thing. I’m not left alone to handle it without help. John 14:15-17 teach me that I have a Helper that never leaves me. “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.” And I think through the power of this Helper, this Holy Spirit, I am becoming more (can’t believe I’m saying this!) tender-hearted! *gasp* And here’s another thing . . . it’s good for me.
My family has had a lot of changes in our lives over the years. God has been faithful to us through every single change. But this newest change in me over the last several months has completely caught me off guard. Have I told you I don’t cry? Yet it seems every passage of Scripture I read, every worship song I hear, every conversation I have about the Lord, EVERYTHING is pointing to areas of my heart that I didn’t even know had issues. I thought I WAS soft and compassionate, but God is showing me daily, hourly even, that I was not anywhere near where He wanted me. So He is breaking me. And He is giving me the grace to survive the breaking. He is removing the pictures I had imagined for my life and replacing them with real experiences that look very little like the pictures I had imagined. He is causing me to step up to things that I didn’t realize I was leaving undone. He is bringing me to obedience in areas I thought were already taken care of.
And it hurts. Deeply. But at the same time, there is an excitement in my spirit of things to come that I cannot even express in mere words. And the pain caused as a result of all the change and molding is worth every tear if it means I become more of the person God wants me to be and less of the person I think I should be. Because of Christ and His Kingdom, every single step toward this change is worth it. You see, these tears, these heart cleansing tears, are shed for a reason. And every drop that spills down my face is counted by God. My tears are for my good, just as anything else God allows to enter my life. Here’s why: every tear that is shed is watering a seed of fresh wind and fire from God. And these seeds need watering. So, until the harvest is ready, I’m certain I will continue to shed tears. Because God’s Word says in Psalm 126:5 “They that sow in tears, will reap with songs of joy”!!!! I’m ready for my song to come, but I’m faithfully trusting God to bring the song rather than trying to create it myself. And when that day comes, I bet you’ll hear me over there, no matter how far “there” is.
Be encouraged today!